


cause "never" is a lonely little messed up word

by bloomings



Category: ONEWE (Band), The Unit: Idol Rebooting Project (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Hurt/Comfort, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, maybe????, some sort of
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-11
Updated: 2018-08-17
Packaged: 2019-06-25 16:34:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,023
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15644649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bloomings/pseuds/bloomings
Summary: Dongmyeong wants to believe him, he doesn’t say anything but his face must tell all because Harin pulls back just a bit, smile turning wide, eyes curving with it.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> the prompt was for something harin/dongmyeong and comfort so here we are ;;

Dongmyeong curls into himself, leaning against the railing of the concrete steps.

He's all alone, the steps lead up to the back of the science building, used only for deliveries.

He looks around, despite how empty it is, slumping back into himself when a hiccup catches in his throat, eyes watering, chest heaving.

He _really_ shouldn’t be upset.  Dongmyeong isn’t a _kid_ anymore, he knows he really shouldn’t be looking so sad and lonely, crying over something he overheard.

He brings his book bag closer to his chest, covers his face with it.  A sob leaves him, muffled with his book bag but it makes him shiver and more tears spill out.

It’s not the worst thing he’s heard, or even the first time he’s heard it.  And maybe that’s the problem.

Dongmyeong knows he isn’t the most boyish, he’s soft in places others expect sharp edges.  His voice isn’t entirely commanding and his facial features border on feminine.

And he’s heard it all, all the insults and suggestive words, all the lingering thoughts other share with him with their knowing glances.

He had just thought that _maybe_ , in a new place, with new people, it would be different.

He sighs to himself, trying to forget the tone of the boy in his class when he said his name, the laughing he had heard.

He tries to suppress another sob, sniffles loudly.

“Oh,” the back door swings closed, Dongmyeong looks up, meeting the gaze of another boy.  He looks at him, both quiet in the weird stare down they've gotten themselves in.  Dongmyeong looks away, blinks rapidly when he realizes he’s seen him around, weaving in and out of the crowd in the math wing.

“Are you ok?” he asks, voice deep.  

Dongmyeong rubs at his eyes furiously, palms digging painfully, pulling away the tears into the sides of his cheeks.

“Sorry,” Dongmyeong mumbles, tries to bow while sitting, feels stupid.

“Sorry for what?” the other says, smiling.  Dongmyeong gets caught in his eyes, elongated, feline, sharp.

“I’m in the way,” Dongmyeong eventually answers, looking away, holding on to the railing to get up.

“You aren’t,” the answer is quick, smile crooked, “why are you crying?”

Dongmyeong doesn’t say anything, watches as the other boy walks down the steps, sitting right next to him, turning to smile at him fully.

“I’m not,” Dongmyeong insists, wiping at tears left on his cheeks, holding back a shuddering sigh.

“You’re a new student right?” the boy leans closer, “you look like a baby.”

Dongmyeong bites the inside of his cheek, swallows down his reply, nods.

“I’m Harin,” he introduces himself, “it’s my third year here.”

“I’m-” he hesitates, “I’m Dongmyeong.”

“Why are you crying?” Harin asks again, “do you miss home?”

Dongmyeong wants to be mad at the implication, maybe wants to hear a teasing tone under the question.  But the other boy’s eyes are sincere, he leans closer and their shoulders bump and it feels oddly reassuring.

“Yeah,” his voice feels scratchy and it catches embarrassingly in his throat but it’s a lot easier to admit he’s missing his mom than admit he’s not _normal_.

He’s not ready when he feels an arm looping over his shoulder, heavy hand resting on his shoulder, pulling him closer.

“It’ll get easier,” Harin turns him slightly. Enough to make him make eye contact, a little too close than he should be comfortable with, “I was homesick a lot too my first year, it’s ok, it’s gonna get easier.”

Dongmyeong wants to believe him, he doesn’t say anything but his face must tell all because Harin pulls back just a bit, smile turning wide, eyes curving with it.

 _It’s cute_ , Dongmyeong thinks, _feels safe_.

“Tell you what,” Harin begins, “if you get sad, just come find me.”

Dongmyeong looks stupidly at him, he can feel the way his tears have dried on his cheeks, his hiccups slowed.

Harin laughs, Dongmyeong blinks at the sound, loud and startling, but nice.

“Yeah, just find me in the math side of the building, you know? By the math labs?  I work there sometimes,” Harin motions back at the door with his free hand, “just like pop in or something.”

They look at each other again, uncomfortable silence from Dongmyeong’s lack of answer.  Harin’s eyes flash with something like uncertainty and a realization of the situation. Before Harin says anything, a sure apology, Dongmyeong nods, rubbing against his runny nose, trying a watery smile.

“Yeah ok.”

Harin smiles at him again and Dongmyeong smiles back.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He knows he hasn’t been overly obvious, he knows that people just assume and suspect. It also happens that Dongmyeong is a little too perceptive, hyper aware of the way people look at him, what people may say about him. It’s an anxiety that builds and bubbles over, leaving a mess of his thoughts, second guesses, constant self questioning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oops here's a second chapter :x

Dongmyeong starts his walk to the food court after Harin leaves.  He sits in the staircase a bit dazed, for a couple of minutes, watching the way the clouds begin to roll in and people start to walk out of their classes, a couple passing by on their own search for food.

He reaches for his phone in his pocket.  He doesn’t have any other classes to go to.  He stands up, decides to go to get some food of his own.

Raindrops start to fall by the time he starts to walk back to his dorm room.  The sky has faded into the half gray glow of dusk, heavy clouds moving languishly through the sky.

He shivers as the wind begins to pick up, hurries his steps.

Kiwook is there when Dongmyeong opens the door.  The other boy looks up from his book but doesn’t say anything as Dongmyeong drops his bookbag on his bed, placing his food on his desk.

“Hi,” Dongmyeong says as he peels off his shoes, “are you hungry?”

Kiwook shrugs at that, but closes his book and starts to get up, “kinda.”

Dongmyeong doesn’t say anything as they eat, Kiwook sitting on the floor.

“What’s wrong?” Kiwook asks after a while, putting his bowl down.

Dongmyeong shakes his head, chewing carefully before answering, “I’m just tired.”

Kiwook doesn’t push and Dongmyeong is happy that for once Kiwook isn’t one to pry.

They clean up the containers, Kiwook going to the back of the building to get rid of their garbage.  

Dongmyeong lays on his bed, looks at the ceiling and sighs.

“It’s been a weird day,” he mumbles to himself, turning to look through the small window in their dorm.  The sky is getting darker and the clouds sweep over head, storm moving on.

-

He knows he hasn’t been overly obvious, he knows that people just assume and suspect.  It also happens that Dongmyeong is a little too perceptive, hyper aware of the way people look at him, what people may say about him.  It’s an anxiety that builds and bubbles over, leaving a mess of his thoughts, second guesses, constant self questioning.

He goes to his lectures, sits in the front row where no one else wants to sit, smiles wide when the professors walk in.  He takes notes, hands in assignments. Sometimes he’ll go to the small cafe near the library or walks down to the look out spot couples and skaters go to.

The afternoon sun is up high when he starts the trek to the boulders facing the drop off and the never ending sky.  The fall weather is slowly becoming cooler and cooler, wind picking up, temperature dropping. The semester has been going by quickly too and each day Dongmyeong feels lonelier and lonelier.  

Kiwook and him are too similar, reserved, quiet.  Dongmyeong can count the number of times he’s seen Kiwook outside.  He isn’t even entirely sure the boy ever goes to class if he thinks about it long enough.

But even if they’re more or less friends, having breached the awkwardness of being thrown in together into a small space, Dongmyeong can't really make himself push into the boy’s shyness, no matter how much he really (so desperately) craves the attention, any interaction outside a couple of words and clipped conversations.

He dodges a reckless skateboarder, stumbling back a bit at the speed of it, but keeps quiet.  In the middle of the day there’s not so many people on dates or riders zooming around the cement floor. Dongmyeong is glad he has a weird gap in his schedule so he doesn’t have to worry about the way others may look at him.

“Oh hey! It’s you!”

Dongmyeong startles, looks around, sees _Harin_ waving at him, sitting alone.

Dongmyeong hesitates, but Harin keeps looking at him, smile big, eyes expectant.  Dongmyeong’s feet move without his permission, taking small, uncertain steps.

Harin looks at him with expectant eyes when he’s close enough, patting the empty spot next to him on the boulder, Dongmyeong’s hands are sweaty, sliding over the paint on the giant rocks, Harin’s hand reaches out for his and Dongmyeong feels the way it raises goosebumps along his arm.  Harin’s grip tightens and he’s half dragged up by the other’s effort.

He scrambles to sit up, pulling his hand away maybe too quickly but Harin doesn’t say anything as he turns his head to look at him, teeth showing with his grin.

“I haven’t seen you in awhile,” he says, “are you ok?”

It lingers, the caring tone, worry, interest.  Dongmyeong’s not so sure how he feels about that, decidedly doesn’t look at Harin.

Now that he’s had time to think about it, after days of his breakdown, he’s embarrassed.

“I’m ok,” he says quietly, ducking his chin to hide away from the gaze, “thank you for asking.”

Harin lets a beat of silence pass, he looks away and Dongmyeong raises his own stare to the sky over them, the faraway dots of trees under them.

“Are you always this quiet?” Harin asks, “or are you just shy?”

There’s no teasing tone, no dip in tone that makes Dongmyeong feel like he’s being made fun of.

“The second one,” he tries to raise his voice a little, “just shy.”

It goes quiet, Dongmyeong watches as the clouds over head cast shadows down on them.  

“Do you want to go eat?” Harin asks, turning full to look at him, “have you eaten?”

Dongmyeong hadn’t but the idea of spending time with the person who saw him cry makes him recoil internally.

“I have class,” he says, “I can’t go.”

“Oh,” Harin leans back, pulling away, “that’s ok,” he smiles, “but you owe me!”

It’s playful, not careful like his other words, just Harin jostling him a bit, comfortably.

“Maybe,” he half whispers.

-

Kiwook looks at him when he goes back to their dorm.  He isn’t doing work, instead playing with his phone.

“Hey,” Dongmyeong says, dragging his bag to his desk.

Kiwook nods at him, sits up.  His hair is ruffled, eye bags dark under his eyes.

“I saw you at the rocks,” Kiwook eventually says when Dongmyeong pulls out his computer, “who was that guy?”

It’s not accusing, or demanding, more like curious.

But Dongmyeong still freezes at the question, hands halfway opening his laptop.

Had Kiwook seen him and thought something weird?  Had Dongmyeong’s eyes given away just the smallest bit of infatuation he was feeling for the other.

Dongmyeong bites his tongue, his mind racing.  

“Just someone from the math lab,” he says slowly.

Kiwook looks at him, face blank, but Dongmyeong knows he’s thinking, trying to figure out the flippant response.

“I got you food,” Kiwook eventually says, “I put it in the fridge.”

Dongmyeong heats up his food in the container Kiwook had brought it in, listening as the other starts his shower.

He chews with no hurry, eyes drifting away, mentally berating himself.

It’s sad how easily Dongmyeong lets himself feel, even when he shouldn’t.  Even when Harin is just a someone who happened to feel bad for a stupid kid.

He stabs the plastic fork through a piece of meat, breaking through the styrofoam.

Something about his eyes.  So dramatic but full of warmness.

He sighs, long suffering.  Dongmyeong digs into the palm of his hand, fingerprints left behind.

It reminds him that it’s all entirely too real.

He falls asleep with the tingling echoing pain from his nails pressing into the thin line of his palm.  Ears straining to keep hearing the faraway sound of Harin’s voice.

**Author's Note:**

> this was written as a prompt fill 
> 
> find me/talk to me about this fic or other fics or give me ideas/prompts/talk to me about onewe and oneus (if you wanna) on my [twitter](https://twitter.com/bIoomingly) / [cc](https://curiouscat.me/bloomings) / [tumblr](https://rbwiboyz.tumblr.com/ask)
> 
> thanks for supporting my journey to write more fic for these two fandoms lol


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